Mat Best - Mr. Cheek bones himself.  More beautiful than.....well, everyone.  When this rare breed of man sweats, he sheds pheromones that attract women from all over the galaxy, oozes freedom and if you lick him (which you should if you ever get the chance), you'll get drunk off of the Leadslinger's whiskey and Black Rifle Coffee seeping from his manhood.  Mat is undeniably the parent of the group.  Keeping the leash tight on all the craziness that ensues during the podcast(s) and in real life.  This unicorn of a man is down to earth, one of the most genuine and giving dudes you will ever meet and will also happily shoot you in the fuckin' face.  Eat that.

 

Ross Patterson -  "Big Dick Daddy" Ross Patterson.  When Ross isn't slaying the Hollywood scene and recovering from injuries sustained from tripping over his elephant-trunk wenis, he's pounding away on his laptop generating the greatest literature ever to grace humanity.  From the days of caveman wall carvings, quill pen and papyrus to Mac Books and Kindles,  Crotch Anchor Patterson has created a new legendary status for writers to strive for, everywhere.  Case in point, "At Night She Cries While He Rides His Steed" (The first ever romance novel for dudes).  End of story.

 

Rocco - "Big Papi", "Potato Dick", "Mutha Fucka Jones"....whatever you wanna call him, one thing is true, this teddy bear is the nicest cat around but will cave your skull in if need be....but with a goddamn smile on his face.  Standing just over 8 feet tall with a beard that lesser men drool over, Rocco is a formidable opponent in the arena as well as at the drinkin' table.  Whether it's Tecate, the random left over beer from last year's 4th of July party or skimming whiskey off of Mat's bottle, you can count on Potato Dick to throw down in a mighty way.  Make room for this sexy mother fucker.  He ain't playin'.

 

JT - The master networker.  The mad scientist.  The genius behind the shenanigans of all things related to conversations that end with, "what the fuck did he just say?"  JT, much like one of his past love flames, is afflicted with multiple personalities.  Sometimes known as the "Yellow Dart" and other times known as "Jimmy John's Jarred," he will twist your mind with the craziest shit you have ever heard.  Most often found meandering around town with a "France Press" filled with Tito's vodka or gasoline, he'll smoke your ass at an eating contest, a debate on the strangest shit you have never thought of, and known to seduce and fraternize with Uber drivers all over the world.  What can we say except, "THAT's Jarred!"